From Darkness to Light: A Journey of Healing and Transformation

I earned those depths, and heights through the roads less traveled in life. 

Through making horrific decisions, and defiling my body/mind/spirit with parasitic entertainment, although it was love I was truly seeking, I continually found emptiness in those places. 

When I was 4 years old, my parents separated – my first memory is seeing my room all over the lawn, getting ready to be loaded into the truck – wondering what was happening, I lived with my Mom until Children’s Aid stepped in and helped my Dad win custody of us. 

My Mother was sick, with a loss that consumed her soul – she drank until blackout, over and over until she could no longer remember, or feel, who she was. 

I was just a young kid, witnessing the vicious spirit of alcoholism rip through my Mother and it destroyed my heart. I didn’t understand then, that she was not well. I used to think, if I was quiet enough, or good enough, that I could help her stop, but as I would later come to know in life, it’s not quite that easy, or simple. 

I grew up quickly, leaving home at 14 to find a place I belonged, but found myself laying on floors staring down at the bottom of a bottle, right where I swore I would never be. 

Alcoholism opens the doors to so many abuses – from others, and from the self. 

My Mom used to have all kinds of men around, drinking and doing drugs, and believed her worth was only worth who would accept her as the flavour of the week. 

I hated those men, I hated the way they’d look at me, I hated how they stole away my Mom but yet, some part of me learned that the only way to be loved was through the attention of men. 

If it wasn’t for getting pregnant at 16, I don’t think I’d be alive today. My daughter saved my life and taught me about love. 

I was a baby, with a baby. It’s hard to believe now that I went through that. 

My daughter is now 16, and I look at her beauty, and innocence and just wish I could go back and hug the younger me. I really thought I knew what I was doing then, but I know now that I didn’t have a damn clue. 

I fought to find peace for us, and a stable life but I was still so young. When I was 20, I moved from my hometown to attend hairdressing school and to prepare my daughter and I for a good life. 

But soon that hope would be more of a wish.

We got married at city hall, moved across the country, and I got pregnant at 21 with my son. I wanted to believe, so badly, in the dreams we talked about but what happened out there, changed me forever. 

We used to bond over drinking, but he was a severe alcoholic and had anger issues. Those years, imprinted on my heart a scar that I’ve had to learn to love. The abuse got so bad, and here I was, a young mom with no money, no license, no self-esteem, across the country with two young children and no idea what to do. 

Alcoholism destroyed my childhood, and it destroyed my own children’s as well. It took me so many years, of leaving, of being in women’s shelters, living in friend’s basements, or their freezing trailers, and going back to the cycle, over and over. 

I know we all judge those women, able to see the insanity of their situation and think WHY WON’T THEY JUST LEAVE but we have to remember, they’re extremely traumatized. 

I tried to work up the courage, many many times. I exhausted my family, my friends, and all of the support networks around me telling the same stories just trying to hear myself say how horrible it had gotten. A part of me didn’t want to face the truth because I was so damn scared of leaving. 

Years later, I lived just 4 hours from my hometown and managed to put all our things into the car one night, whatever we could fit into garbage bags, and drove home to my Dad’s house, not a clue in the world what the next day would hold.

Each day, even though I’d spend my nights crying myself to sleep silently as I snuggled my baby boy – I had peace in my soul. 

No one could yell at us, no one could lie, manipulate us, steal our food & rent money for cigarettes and beer, and no one could hurt us anymore. 

I spent a few years at my Dad’s home, trying to figure out who I was again. 

I made friends, got a good job, and started attending a gym. I went on to complete Tough Mudder, and felt so damn proud of myself when I crossed that finish line. That’s a day I’ll never forget. I remember thinking ‘if I can do this – then I can do anything.’ 

But, life still had its shadows and I still had a healing journey to walk. 

I was beginning to get glimpses of my passion, my power, my abilities, and my talents. 

I felt beautiful, for the first time in my life, but when you’ve got a light it can attract all kinds of people. I may have run for my life, and survived the first round, but as we heal on this life journey we need to learn how to identify energy patterns and see them for what they really are. 

Eventually, I found love again and moved in with my boyfriend. He was kind and good with the kids and I really believed that this was going to be my happily ever after. 

And that’s when the car accident happened. This is where I really began to feel like a punching bag for the universe. 

Feb 4, 2019 – another day I’ll never forget. I was t-boned at an intersection, an elderly lady ran a red light and hit me that Monday morning. 

I was diagnosed with severe whiplash, a traumatic concussion, cervicogenic headaches, and fibromyalgia. 

I used to tell the story of how I went from running Tough Mudder, to looking at canes. I was 29 years old and bedridden. 

I don’t know how to describe the devastation I felt. My kids and I had finally found stability, and a safe shore, and now, I couldn’t even walk down the stairs without help. 

But something happened, in those dark days of disability, pain, and grief… 

Something in me woke up. 

I began to have precognitive dreams, and night after night, I’d wake up and witness the day unfold as I saw. 

Right after the accident, I had this dream where I walked into a forest clearing and saw this shaman standing there, with godly blue eyes telling me that it was time to wake up again and train and that we’d done this together in past lives – and all I could do in the dream, was sob. The human part of me didn’t want to go through anymore, but my soul seemed to have a mission. 

During those years of rehab, I spent all the money I had on books, courses, and mentors to help me discover who I was, and why this was happening to me. 

I didn’t realize it then, but those moments of utter hopelessness would be treasures I shared with others who needed someone to help them feel safe, in being human too. 

I threw myself into the world of spirituality and developed my psychic abilities from bed. 

I meditated and developed a vision for myself. 

I began to see myself, standing on a stage telling the stories that once had me curled up in fetal positions, to people who needed to see, hear, and know, that transformation is possible. 

I fought, for my health, for my physical abilities, got off all the injections, and medications, and slowly regained my health against all odds. 

I fought for my healing and held myself so lovingly and found help to heal the trauma, to hug my inner child, and to scream that pain into pillows, the ethers, and into purpose. 

I fought to find understanding of my psychic abilities and learned about the karmic reasons why things happened the way they did, the love of the spirit realm and god, and the power of prayer. 

I decided that I wanted to tell a story of miracles, of purpose, and of a woman who overcame. 

I decided that I was going to show up so damn fiercely for little Robyn, who needed someone to protect her.

I decided that I was going to fight off any shithead who meant her harm and that I would not tolerate disrespect ever again. 

I decided to trust myself, against all the odds and advocate for what I knew I needed – in body, mind, and spirit. 

I decided to live a legendary life that I could look back on that made me so damn proud. 

I ended up leaving my boyfriend of 5 years, to pursue my own business, to be on my own and figure out who I really was. 

And here I am, living a reality I never thought would be possible. 

I have a beautiful home, a healthy body, and a clear mind. 

I now teach people about the magic of prayer, and of God and the power of belief. 

I tell my stories, to show others that if I can, they can too. 

I’m going to spend the rest of my life helping others heal and inspiring people to find the courage to change, to take leaps of faith, even if they don’t know what’s on the other side. 

Sometimes life can be hard, and not make sense, but we have to trust in a divine plan. 

A lot of people tell me, they are sorry for the accident I was in, for the abuse I went through, but I choose to be thankful for it – because it taught me to fight, and gave me the opportunity to choose a new story. 

It was those dark stormy roots that gave me the ability to reach up to the heavens. 

It was the pain I was in, that let me touch the other world and bring their love here. 

It was the moments on my knees, praying for a sign, that taught me, I’m never alone. 

It was in the darkest of times that I discovered a light within me, and all around me. 

And it’s that light that I want to share with the world.