We all make mistakes, and its human nature. But if you are anything like me, you can’t stop reliving them–repeatedly. If this is you, don’t worry–you’re not alone. I’m going to share some of the ways I was able to overcome this bad habit. In this post, we’ll explore some of the most common causes of reliving past mistakes and some practical tips for breaking free from this destructive habit as someone who suffers from substance use disorder. So read on if you’re ready to live in the present and leave your past mistakes where they belong, in the past!

Picture waking up one day in your mid-thirties, feeling sick until you can muster up enough energy to reach under your bed and grab the shot you prepared the night before, living in a dusty trap house where you are currently selling poison to all of the people you know, and thinking that you won’t make it to the new year. You spent your entire life after age 17 in and out of the same Vermont prisons for non-violent drug-related offenses. There were even several occasions where you got out of “finishing school” just to go back the same day or the next. Can you imagine the self-loathing I experienced at that point? Half of my life had slipped by while I was doing what I have come to call “life on the Installment plan.” (Also, the name of my upcoming book.) Even now, after turning my life around and building a life I truly love, I still torture myself by reliving my many many fu*k ups. Moving forward, let’s make a commitment to ourselves and one another to remain forward-focused. Are you with me?

 

Addiction recovery is a complex and deeply personal journey. One of the crucial aspects of this process is understanding the “why” behind our initial choice to pick up and then why we choose to embark on the path to recovery. Here are some of the top reasons we chose to use and continued to use substances to the point of dependence.

1. Guilt and Shame: Many of us in recovery struggle with overwhelming guilt and shame from our past actions. These emotions can lead to a cycle of self-punishment, where we feel we deserve to dwell on our mistakes as a form of atonement or another thing to contribute to our cycle of self-sabotage.

2. Unresolved Trauma: Past mistakes can be linked to unresolved trauma. Reliving these experiences might be an attempt to process the trauma or gain a sense of control over it. This is a big one.

3. Identity and Self-Worth: For some, our past actions have become intertwined with our sense of identity and self-worth. Reliving these mistakes might reinforce negative self-perceptions or serve as a way to validate their struggles.

4. Lack of Coping Mechanisms: Coping with the emotional baggage of addiction and past mistakes can be challenging. For me, reliving my errors was a familiar coping mechanism, even though it was harmful, and I knew it.

5. Fear of Repeating: We constantly revisit past mistakes out of fear. We believe that by replaying these memories, we can prevent ourselves from making the same errors again.

6. External Pressure: Society, family, or peers may also contribute to the compulsion to relive past mistakes. Judgment or expectations from others can lead us to ruminate on our past errors.

7. Resistance to Change: Recovery is a journey of transformation, which can be intimidating. Some individuals may subconsciously resist change by holding onto their past mistakes, as they represent a known and predictable state. It’s what we know, and what we know is always comfortable, even if it’s toxic.

Here are some of the strategies that I used to stop reliving past mistakes:

 

• Maybe you’ve had some recent setbacks at work or in your personal life and struggle to cope with those challenges. By focusing on the past, it’s easier to avoid those feelings of anxiety, sadness, or uncertainty.

 

• How to understand why you’re reliving past mistakes: Journal about your feelings and emotions, both in the present moment and about your past mistakes. Journaling can help you identify any patterns or common themes in your thinking and behavior, and getting it out can be incredibly therapeutic.

 

• Identify your triggers. What situations or activities lead you down the rabbit hole of reliving past mistakes? Once you’re aware of your triggers, you can avoid them.

 

• Reflect on experiences or traumas that may cause you to feel stuck or unable to move forward. Often, our experiences can strongly influence our current behavior. Reflection is different than reliving. Reflection is done to heal. Reliving is done to harm.

• I personally believe that we can all use some therapy, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It may be helpful to seek professional help to deal with any underlying unresolved and/or traumatic issues/experiences.

How to Stop:

How to acknowledge the feelings associated with past mistakes:

 

• One important step in overcoming the tendency to relive past mistakes is recognizing and accepting the emotions you’re feeling.

 

• Try to be as specific as possible when identifying your feelings. For example, instead of just saying, “I feel bad,” try to identify the particular emotions you’re experiencing, such as “I feel guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed.”

 

• Allow yourself to experience these negative emotions without judgment or criticism. Pay attention to your feelings, and don’t suppress them. Feel every facet of your emotions. I was never taught that emotions are HEAL-THY. We were made to feel no matter what the emotion is; allow it.

 

• Connect with others who can support you through this process, whether in person or online. Reaching out to friends and family, joining a support group, or seeking professional counseling can all be helpful ways to manage difficult emotions and work through your past mistakes.

• Meditate on the emotions. Pay attention to where you feel the emotions in your body and breathe through that area. Ask for divine assistance from Source/God and your guides. I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

How to celebrate your progress:

 

• Set small goals for yourself and reward yourself when you reach them. For example, if your goal is to stop thinking about a past mistake for one day, treat yourself to a new outfit or favorite activity/food once you’ve accomplished it. The longer you go, the bigger the reward, which can be a lot of solo fun.

 

• Keep a journal of your progress. It can be a great way to track your thoughts and emotions over time and see how far you’ve come. You know I am all about journaling, so you knew this one was coming.

 

• Share your accomplishments with friends and family and celebrate with them. It can help solidify your progress and provide extra motivation to keep going. You might also consider using an accountability partner that you can celebrate with.

 

• If you have a setback, don’t let it discourage you. The process of change takes time, patience, and practice. But with effort and support, you can learn to move forward and leave your past in the dust.

How to practice self-compassion and forgiveness:

 

• Try to be understanding and gentle with yourself when you make a mistake. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself some grace and allow yourself to recover and learn from the experience.

 

• Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Would you berate and criticize your friend for making a mistake? Most likely not! Try to adopt a more supportive and encouraging attitude when facing your past mistakes.

 

• Create a self-forgiveness board. It can be a powerful tool for helping you to let go of the past and move forward. Create a board or journal with images, quotes, writing prompts, and anything else that inspires self-compassion and forgiveness.

 

• Above all, remember that it’s perfectly normal to struggle with past mistakes. But by practicing self-compassion and forgiveness and seeking the support of others, you can heal and move forward in your life.

Holding on to past mistakes prevents you from living your best life and achieving your full potential. With the right mindset and approach, you can learn to stop reliving past mistakes and start creating a brighter future for yourself. Don’t be afraid to start this journey today–you’ve got this!

1. Emotional Freedom: Dwelling on past mistakes can trap us in a cycle of guilt and shame, hindering our emotional healing.

2. Progress: Focusing on the present and future allows for personal growth and positive change, which are central to recovery.

3. Reduced Relapse Risk: Letting go of the past reduces triggers and relapse risk, as it helps break the cycle of addiction-associated memories.

4. Improved Well-being: It promotes better mental and emotional well-being, leading to a more fulfilling and productive life in recovery.

5. Rebuilding Relationships: It enables us to rebuild and nurture healthier relationships with family and friends, fostering support, if that’s something you’re into.

6. Hope and Resilience: Leaving the past behind fosters hope and resilience, empowering us to face challenges with optimism.

I am writing about this because I had never thought twice about torturing myself by constantly putting my energy and focus towards things I had done in the past. One thing that every single person that suffers from SUD has in common is… Self-loathing.

You know it, and I know it. We were so desperate to get away from OURSELVES that we decided to enlist the help of illicit substances because we have never been comfortable in our own skin. Substances, for me heroin, made the pain go away. Even though it was temporary, my self-loathing was so strong that I would have done anything to escape it.

Most of us felt this way due to a situation or circumstance that made us feel powerless. We allowed the mistakes of another to define how we felt about ourselves. In case nobody has ever told you- it’s not your fault. You are loved. You are valuable, and now you know exactly how to eliminate the torturous process of reliving our past mistakes. Like I always say, If I can, you can!