Rising from the Ashes: A Guide to Overcoming Life’s Setbacks

 

I remember sitting in the hole in jail and thinking ‘There isn’t one person in the world who wants to be me right now.’ Hitting rock bottom is a journey no one willingly embarks upon, yet it’s a path that many find themselves on at some point in their lives.

Whether it’s grappling with addiction, facing the consequences of poor decisions, or weathering the storm of personal crises, the experience of hitting rock bottom can be a defining moment. Don’t let it be the downward defining moment. I promise you that you can rebuild, restore, and/or revitalize your life no matter how low your bottom is. I know because I was once as low as I could go.

Roadmap for Overcoming Life’s Setbacks

But here’s the thing about rock bottom—it’s also the solid foundation on which we can rebuild. It’s the raw material from which we can craft a new and stronger version of ourselves. This blog post is not just about acknowledging the darkness of the abyss but shining a light on the possibility of redemption that follows. It’s a roadmap—a guide to navigating the challenging terrain of rebuilding your life after everything has seemingly fallen apart.

In the following post, we’ll explore the stages of this journey, from the initial self-reflection and acceptance to setting realistic goals, seeking support, and ultimately embracing change. Each step on this roadmap is an opportunity for growth, transformation, and redemption. We’ll also discuss the common obstacles that may arise and offer strategies to overcome them.

If you’ve found yourself at rock bottom or know someone who has, this is an invitation to embark on a journey of renewal and resurgence. It’s a reminder that hitting rock bottom is not the end; it can be a powerful beginning, just like it has been for me.

Don’t be known as the guy who fell down and never got up. Be known as the Phoenix that rose from the ashes of destruction bigger, better, stronger, and more motivated than ever. So, let’s dive into the process of rebuilding from rock bottom—a journey toward redemption and a brighter, more resilient future.

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Life’s journey is marked by peaks and valleys, and sometimes, those valleys can be deep and seemingly insurmountable. Hitting rock bottom is one of life’s worst experiences, one that often involves a profound sense of loss, despair, and self-doubt. Who needs that?

For me, I needed to know exactly what had gotten me sitting in jail in jail. Double bagged. Story of my life right there. I don’t mean the obvious, either. Like my addiction put me here, or I may or may not have committed a crime. Nope.

We need to get a bit messy right here. We need to identify the underlying issues causing the behaviors that got us here. It’s the only way the healing can begin. Now I am going to share exactly how to do just that.

A. Reflect on Personal Experiences and Recognizing the Need for Change

It starts with introspection. Ouch. We hate introspection because we can’t stand ourselves, at least on some level. Just take a moment to reflect on your experiences and acknowledge the emotions that come with hitting rock bottom. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions—pain, regret, frustration.

These emotions are part of the human experience and can serve as catalysts for change. Try saying it out loud. “I have finally hit rock bottom.” When I said it out loud, something shifted. I can’t even explain it.

Recognizing the need for change is a pivotal moment. Seriously, though, if you’re like me, you have hit rock bottom more than once. I am thick-headed, and I try to stay in the game long after the last person on my team has left. I just got to a point where the status quo wasn’t going to cut it for this girl anymore. I had tried things my way, but they never worked.

It’s about understanding that the current path is unsustainable and that a different course is not only desirable but necessary. This realization is the first glimmer of hope, the initial spark that can ignite the process of rebuilding. That glimmer of hope has gotten me this far and it’s more like a sun than a glimmer now.

B. Acknowledge the Challenges and Emotions Associated with Hitting Rock Bottom

Hitting rock bottom is not a linear journey. It’s messy, chaotic, and filled with challenges, and this is the road we have consistently chosen throughout our lives. Acknowledge the difficulties you face, but also understand that facing them head-on is the only way to move forward. It’s a journey of self-discovery, where the darkest corners of your soul are illuminated, revealing both vulnerabilities and strengths. You simply have to keep an open mind and be willing to try things that you haven’t tried before.

Embrace the emotions that come with hitting rock bottom. Allow yourself to feel without judgment. Through this emotional honesty, you can lay the foundation for a more authentic and resilient version of yourself. I won’t tell you that it’s easy, but the end result is necessary for the next steps of your journey.

C. Emphasize the Importance of Self-Awareness and Acceptance

Self-awareness is a powerful tool in any context, but especially in this one. Understand your strengths, weaknesses, triggers, and patterns of behavior. Acceptance is not about condoning past actions but acknowledging them without self-condemnation. It’s about making peace with your imperfections and understanding that they do not define your future.

This is the exact reason my blog is called Progressing Not Perfecting. I don’t know about you, but I have always been super hard on myself. Nobody could be harder on me than me. The best way to hit this one is to commit to being gentler and kinder to yourself. Start working on improving your negative self-talk because that will end up coming back to haunt you if you don’t nip it…

In the next stages of the roadmap, we’ll build upon this foundation of self-awareness and acceptance. Remember, hitting rock bottom is not the end of your story; it’s the beginning of a transformative process. So, embrace the journey ahead with an open heart and a willingness to grow.

If I had never fallen into the fire, I would never have been able to rise from the ashes of my destroyed life. I would have never had my two kids, purchased my home, helped the many people that I’ve helped, or started my blog.

I see now that all of the horrible things I have endured happened for a reason. They happened so I could learn and help others in similar circumstances. For my kids alone, I would do it all again.

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I could sit here and tell you that it’s going to be easy and it’s going to be great, but I have no idea how it will be for you. It will be what you make it. I know that’s the last thing you want to hear, but it’s true. I simply decided to change my mindset.

When bad things are all that you know, most people develop a ‘bad things’ mindset and think they deserve bad things. I am here to tell you that you DESERVE ALL THE BEST that life has to offer. The sooner you realize that, feel it, and start to live by it, the sooner the magic starts to happen.

After deciding that you are indeed sick and tired of being sick and tired, it’s time to embark on a purposeful journey of redemption. This roadmap is designed to guide you through the transformative process of rebuilding your life. Each stage is a stepping stone, leading you away from despair and towards a brighter, more fulfilling future.

A. Stage 1: Self-Reflection and Acceptance

The first stage on this roadmap is self-reflection—a deliberate examination of your thoughts, actions, and the factors that led to hitting rock bottom. This is not a time for self-blame but an opportunity for honest introspection.

What patterns contributed to your current situation? What are the underlying issues that need addressing? As I mentioned above, this is necessary, and there isn’t any getting around it.

Accompanying self-reflection is acceptance. Embrace the reality of your circumstances without judgment. Acceptance is not resignation; it’s a courageous acknowledgment of your starting point. Only by understanding where you are can you begin to chart a course to where you want to be.

B. Stage 2: Setting Realistic Goals

With self-awareness and acceptance as your compass, it’s time to set realistic goals. These goals should be both short-term and long-term, providing a clear direction for your journey. As I’m sure you know, start with small, achievable objectives that build momentum and confidence. As you progress, you can aim for more ambitious milestones.

This is one of the ways that I did in three years, which most people don’t achieve in a lifetime. I am a go-big or go-home type, as I may have mentioned, so I would bang out all my small goals and reward myself with a big guy. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at what you can accomplish.

Setting goals serves as a roadmap within the roadmap—a tangible guide for your daily actions and decisions. Whether it’s breaking free from addictive behaviors, improving relationships, or pursuing personal development, each goal becomes a building block for the life you envision. Be sure you write them down, update, and keep score.

C. Stage 3: Seeking Support

This always has been and continues to be difficult for me, but no journey is undertaken alone. In this stage, actively seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and encouragement no matter how hard it is.

Share your goals and aspirations with those who genuinely care about your well-being. The power of a supportive network cannot be overstated; it can be the difference between faltering and flourishing.

Professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can offer valuable insights and coping mechanisms. Building a support system is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your commitment to change. I’ve been in therapy for fifteen years at least. It helps.

D. Stage 4: Embracing Change

Change is at the heart of redemption. This stage involves breaking harmful habits and adopting positive behaviors. This is not necessarily something we have been good at in the past, and it requires a commitment to personal growth and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone.

Embrace change as a process, not an event, and be patient with yourself as you navigate this transformative journey. You need to know like I know that you.

Identify the areas of your life that require change and take deliberate steps towards improvement. Whether it’s physical health, mental well-being, or relationships, each positive change contributes to the larger narrative of your redemption. Start small and work on one area at a time, one day at a time.

E. Stage 5: Learning and Growing

The journey doesn’t end with change—it evolves into a continuous process of learning and growing, except this time, we are aware, and we care. Cultivate a mindset of lifelong learning, seeking opportunities for personal and professional development. Read, attend workshops, and engage in activities that nourish your mind and soul.

Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. Mistakes are inevitable, but each one is a lesson that propels you forward. By fostering a mindset of continuous improvement, you ensure that the redemption you’ve achieved becomes a sustainable and enduring part of your life. The crazy thing is that you know as well as I do that the Universe always looks out and ensures that things do always, yet eventually work out. We are still here, aren’t we?

In the next sections, we’ll explore the common obstacles on this journey, and I’ll provide strategies for overcoming them. Remember, this roadmap is not a one-size-fits-all solution but a flexible guide that can be adapted to your unique circumstances. Stay committed, stay resilient, and let the journey to redemption unfold.

The path to redemption is not without its challenges. As we navigate the roadmap to rebuilding our lives, it’s crucial to anticipate and address the obstacles that may arise. Understanding these challenges and having strategies in place to overcome them will fortify your journey toward redemption.

A. Common Challenges in the Rebuilding Process

 

1. Residual Temptations and Triggers:

 

• Acknowledge that old habits die hard. Identify situations, environments, or people that may trigger a relapse into destructive patterns.

• Develop coping mechanisms to navigate tempting situations, such as creating a support network or practicing mindfulness.

Side Note: I just want to say that this is where we need to really understand that we cannot keep doing the same things and expect different results. I may not have used a 12-step program to attain my sobriety, but I did have to move away from my using friends for a few years until I felt that I was in a safe enough spot to try to help them.

Even if you change everything about your current life except for your actively using friends, it’s a rare occurrence for success to be found.

2. Negative Self-Talk:

 

• Combat the inner critic by consciously replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations. It’s a kind of thought replacement, and it will eventually come naturally.

• Seek professional guidance to reframe destructive self-perceptions and build a healthier self-image.

3. Impatience and Frustration:

 

• Understand that transformation takes time. Set realistic expectations and celebrate even the smallest of victories along the way.

• Cultivate patience by focusing on the progress made rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.

B. Strategies for Overcoming Setbacks and Staying Resilient

 

1. Develop a Resilience Toolkit:

 

• Identify activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of purpose. Build a toolkit of resilience strategies, such as meditation, exercise, or creative pursuits. My resilience kit has been really effective for me.

• In moments of difficulty, turn to your toolkit for emotional support and rejuvenation.

2. Learn from Setbacks:

 

• Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, consider them opportunities for learning and growth. This time will be different. Know that and accept that.

• Analyze the circumstances surrounding setbacks, identify triggers, and adjust your strategies accordingly.

3. Stay Connected to Your Support System:

 

• Regularly engage with your support network, sharing both successes and challenges.

• Lean on others for guidance and encouragement during difficult times.

4. Professional Assistance:

 

• If obstacles seem insurmountable, seek professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide tailored guidance and coping strategies.

• Understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

5. Adaptability and Flexibility:

 

• Recognize that the rebuilding process is dynamic, and circumstances may change. Be adaptable and adjust your approach as needed.

• Setbacks do not erase progress. Embrace flexibility as an essential component of your journey.

Remember, overcoming obstacles is an integral part of the redemption journey. Each challenge is an opportunity for growth and resilience. By proactively addressing and learning from setbacks, you strengthen your resolve and move closer to the life you’re rebuilding.

Stay committed to the process, stay resilient, and continue forging ahead on the path to redemption. This could be the one thing that you haven’t applied before, and it could be the secret of your success.

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In the journey of redemption, again, it’s essential to acknowledge and celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Celebrating success is not just a form of self-affirmation; it is a powerful motivator that reinforces positive behavior and encourages continued progress. In this section, we explore the significance of recognizing and celebrating the milestones on your path to rebuilding.

A. Recognizing Small Victories

 

1. The Power of Incremental Progress:

 

• Understand that redemption is a cumulative process of small, incremental victories.

• Celebrate daily achievements, no matter how minor, as they contribute to the larger tapestry of your success.

2. Gratitude and Reflection:

 

1.  

 

• Take time regularly to reflect on the positive changes in your life.

• Express gratitude for the progress made and the support received from others on your journey. I highly encourage my clients to keep a journal and to track their progress and analyze their challenges, but if this isn’t for you, at the very least, please do yourself a favor and keep a gratitude journal. Gratitude is so crucial in achieving success.

B. The Importance of Celebrating Progress Along the Way

 

1. Positive Reinforcement:

 

• Celebrating success serves as positive reinforcement, strengthening the neural pathways associated with positive behaviors.

• The joy of achievement becomes a driving force, motivating you to persist in your efforts.

2. Boosting Confidence:

 

• Each celebration of success boosts your confidence and self-esteem.

• Confidence is a key asset on the journey to redemption, empowering you to face challenges with resilience.

3. Building Momentum:

 

• Celebrating success creates a sense of momentum, propelling you forward on your journey.

• Momentum is a powerful force that can carry you through challenges and setbacks.

C. Setting Milestone Celebrations

 

1. Define Milestones:

 

• Break your larger goals into smaller, achievable milestones.

• Celebrate each milestone, whether it’s a week of sobriety, a month of positive habits, or achieving a personal development goal.

2. Meaningful Rewards:

 

• Attach meaningful rewards to your milestones. These rewards should align with your values and contribute positively to your well-being.

• Rewards can be both tangible and intangible, such as treating yourself to a favorite activity or acknowledging progress in a journal.

D. The Continuous Cycle of Celebration and Growth

 

1. Embracing a Positive Feedback Loop:

 

• Cultivate a positive feedback loop where success breeds more success.

• Celebrate, reflect, set new goals, and repeat the process, creating an ongoing cycle of growth.

2. Sharing Success with Others:

 

• Share your successes with your support network. Your achievements not only inspire others but strengthen the bonds within your community.

• Collective celebration fosters a sense of shared accomplishment.

In the journey of redemption, celebrating success is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity. It fuels your determination, fosters resilience, and transforms the rebuilding process into a fulfilling and empowering experience. So, take a moment to celebrate the victories, and let each success propel you further on the path to redemption. No parties. I’m playing.

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Stories have the power to inspire, and on the path to redemption, personal testimonials are beacons of hope. In this section, I share a very quick recap of my own failure on repeat turned success story that came after I spent around twenty years hitting rock bottom over and over.

My story showcases the diversity of experiences, challenges faced, and the resilience that ultimately led to transformation.

I started using IV heroin for the first time between the ages of 14-15. I began selling heroin to support my habit shortly after. I was extremely functional while my heroin addiction very slowly destroyed my young life.

My first time was with two older friends. We copped at Tompkins Square Park in The Village and then drove across the Jersey Bridge, and I was injected for the first by my older best friends while my pregnant twins 14-year-old sister watched. One of those friends allowed my sister to come because she was going stir-crazy, staying home all the time as a result of her teen pregnancy. I still carry a lot of guilt over this today.

For a very long time, I remembered that time as the first time in my life I had ever felt comfortable in my skin. I knew at that moment that I would have a long and insane romance with heroin. There was no going back.

In September of 2000, my door was rammed in, and my apartment was the first heroin raid in my small town. I was not caught with drugs. I had a feeling that morning, and as soon as I heard the first knock, I jumped into my closet and watched them throw my friends to the ground with guns to their heads.

My roommate was caught with 9.6 grams of heroin in her hands when she was tackled. They had four sales on her. Her parents got her the best attorney in the state, and I don’t believe she did more than that first night in jail.

I was a poor twenty-year-old kid who was from a family with a long history of addiction. I couldn’t afford an attorney, and often, nobody even showed up for my court dates. I was made ‘the example’. I spent twenty years being ‘the example’ in my town. I was never offered or mandated to rehab by the court when not through my own urging. I went to two short-term rehabs on my own.

I spent twenty years going in and out of jail, doing my life on the installment plan. It was horrible, and it killed me inside. The system perpetuated my addiction along with all of the other young women who grew up within those walls.

Seven and a half years ago, at the age of thirty-five, after spending my life not wanting children because I knew my addiction was selfish and I didn’t believe I had a maternal bone in my body, I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t about me for the first time in my life. I left my apartment where I was living, selling, and using. I checked into a homeless shelter with the clothes on my back, a 450 credit score, and a correctional GPS around my ankle.

I immediately set to work on changing every single thing about myself. It was a makeover of sorts. That’s the way I saw it. Unfortunately, I was still on DOC supervision.

One night, when I was seven months pregnant, I had the worst nightmare. I dreamed that I was back in the hole at CRCF. I was sitting on the bunk with my arms wrapped around my knees. I was pregnant. I was rocking back and forth and crying. I woke up crying and couldn’t get back to sleep because the next morning was parole check-in day.

Sure enough, I was arrested the next day at probation & parole (also PnP). The drug task force showed up, and I assumed they were there for a friend. Nope. I was cuffed and stuffed, sober, and almost six months pregnant. I was charged with sales and conspiracy six months after it allegedly happened. I almost had my daughter in jail. It was awful.

I got a few ultrasounds, and I wasn’t even permitted to see my baby. When I was finally released about two weeks before giving birth, I found out that they never even had anything on me, and this wasn’t even the only time. They backed me into a corner, as usual, and if I wanted to fight it, I would have been forced to have my baby in jail. They roped me into two years on the back end of my sentence.

When my daughter was six months old, I was on an open schedule and was doing amazing. I got a little complacent and decided to go to Hampton Beach for my birthday. A correctional officer from the jail saw me in the ocean and had her mother take photos, which were then sent to my probation officer. I was sober, my tests were clean, and I had been doing so well.

They didn’t care that I was thriving and that my daughter was dependent on me. I was even breastfeeding, and I was ruthlessly sentenced to nine months to nine months and one day, which meant I was serving that nine months. It was the worst experience of my life, and looking back, I don’t know how I got through it. I was crafty and applied to go to a home for moms with babies that women could attend pre-min (before someone completes their mandatory minimum sentence.)

The court even tried to deny the request, but the home fought for me, which really surprised me because they were fully aware of my past drug-seeking tendencies within the facility in the past. My daughter and I lived there for six months, and it was so hard. Actually, hard is an understatement. I graduated from the program the day I maxed out my final DOC sentence in March of 2018.

I was someone who never aspired to be anything but what I was- a drug dealer. NOBODY thought I would live this long, me included. I have died on several occasions, but each time I was saved.

Today I am a certified professional life coach and certified addiction recovery coach. I have completed an accredited Certified Addiction Counseling Education program.

My areas of specialty are as follows: spirituality, the law of attraction, empowerment, personal development, life purpose, mindset, transformation, personal productivity, personal success, and I am trauma-informed.

I am a Reiki II practitioner, certified sound healer, certified crystal healer, a member of the NAADAC, a sober curator, a shatterproof ambassador, and I volunteer as an operator for the MA Overdose Prevention Helpline. (

Three short years after I checked into the homeless shelter, I purchased my own 350k home, which in this market has a value of around 450k. A year before I purchased my home, I had a second child. I now have a two-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter. Mikaiyah and Malyckai. My little M&Ms. They drive me nuts and some days I don’t even want to get out of bed, but they saved my life, and I make sure they know it.

I garden. I meditate. I do Yoga. I do my virtual reality workouts. I invest. Spend time in nature. Spend time with my kids. Everything else I’ve got and then some goes into creating content for this blog.

It’s really hard sometimes, but it’s nothing compared to being 150% physically dependent on an illegal and illicit substance and being repeatedly forced to detox in the hole after being ripped off all mental health meds without so much as Tylenol.

My worst day sober is a million times better than my best day in active addiction.

By sharing my testimony, I aim to inspire and demonstrate that the journey to redemption is not a solitary one. Through the experiences of another, you may find common threads of resilience, courage, and the capacity for positive change.

I wish with everything I’ve got that my success story might serve as a beacon of hope on your own journey of rebuilding and redemption. Below are some tips I have for success.

1. Self-Reflection and Acceptance:

 

• Acknowledge the importance of introspection and accepting the need for change as the initial steps toward redemption. I recommend you do this by journaling. This can do more for you than you know.

2. Setting Realistic Goals:

 

• Understand the significance of setting achievable goals, both short-term and long-term, as a roadmap for progress. I use this Freedom Mastery Planner. This is my second year using this planner, and I LOVE it. It’s worth it. It has a vision board within, a map, and a place for your travel bucket list. Every month, you have a review, and there are just so many extras. I will include the details below. This is one of my top recommended products. I love my planner!

3. Seeking Support:

 

• Emphasize the value of building a support network, including friends, family, and professionals, to provide guidance and encouragement.

4. Embracing Change:

 

• Recognize the necessity of breaking harmful habits, adopting positive behaviors, and committing to personal growth.

5. Learning and Growing:

 

• Cultivate a mindset of continuous learning, resilience, and adaptability as integral components of the redemption journey. Be willing to think outside of the box and try new things. Keep an open mind, and I highly recommend meditation, affirmations, and a positive mindset.

In the pursuit of redemption, celebrating success is not a mere luxury but a vital component of the journey. Acknowledge and rejoice in the small victories, for they are the building blocks of a renewed and empowered self. By cultivating a cycle of celebration and growth, you create a positive feedback loop that propels you forward.

I have made it my mission to motivate and inspire people just like me to change. I hit rock bottom so many times I believed I was the rock. My life sucked. There was never a person that wanted to be me. Even now, I am like an overactive 3rd grader because the use of opioids stunted my development. The people out there still sick and suffering- they are the reason I am here. Putting myself out there when I personally find it terrifying and way outside my comfort zone. To be honest, there are days when I still have the self-worth of the person I once was.

I’ve got to let it go. If I am going to help anyone, I have to set aside my feelings about myself and do the work. I am trying harder than I have ever tried in my life. I am not seeing any evidence to show that I am helping anyone significantly on their journey yet here I am still plugging along until the money is gone. That is the only thing that will stop me- not being able to move forward.

How am I still going? I have… FAITH, and you should, too. Just please believe that you have a shot and that you are worth so much more than your bottom has shown you. We are so fierce and strong when fighting for those we care about. Let’s do this one-time fight for ourselves. Work together to #provethemallwrong and #showthemwhatwecando. I was the worst of the worst, and I will have eight years of sobriety in March. I can barely believe it.

I am here for you. I’m trying to build a community of people just like us. People who never thought they would still be here by Christmas, but against all odds, we are. We all have a purpose and my purpose is to show the world that change is definitely possible, and it’s possible for EVERY… SINGLE… ONE… OF… US. If I did it- you can too!

May your steps be guided by courage, self-compassion, and the unwavering belief that, even in the face of adversity, redemption is not only possible but achievable. The journey is yours—embrace it, celebrate it, and let it unfold with purpose and resilience. I am here, and I care, so keep coming back and help me to build a community we can all be proud to be a part of. Metta, friends.