Eight years ago, I embarked on a journey that would transform my life in ways I could never have imagined. As someone who struggled with addiction, finding my own inner truth has been one of the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of my adventures in personal growth and recovery. Today, I want to share that journey with you and offer some insights into how you, too, can discover your inner truth after addiction.

-ROSHAN SHARMA

When we talk about “inner truth,” in everyday life, we refer to the starting point in discovering the very essence of who we are as human beings—our core values, beliefs, deepest desires, passions, and the unique voice that defines us. Addiction often clouds this truth, burying it under layers of guilt, shame, and self-doubt. Uncovering your own way to the path of your own inner truth is essential for several reasons:

• Self-Acceptance: Understanding and embracing who you truly are fosters self-acceptance and self-love.
• Authenticity: Living in alignment with your inner truth allows you to be authentic in your relationships and interactions, leading to much better relationships and more positive interactions.
• Purpose: Knowing your inner truth helps you find your purpose, passion, and individual needs, giving you direction and meaning in life.

In the throes of addiction, I lost sight of who I was. My days were consumed with feeding the addiction, leaving little room for self-reflection. But as I began my recovery journey, I realized that to truly heal, I needed to reconnect with myself.

• Reflecting on the Past: I started by reflecting on my life before addiction. What did I enjoy? What were my dreams? This reflection helped me remember parts of myself that had been overshadowed by addiction.
• Journaling: Writing became a powerful tool. I began journaling daily, capturing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This practice helped me identify recurring themes and patterns, shedding light on my core values and beliefs.
• Seeking Support: Therapy and support groups were invaluable. They provided a safe space to explore my feelings and gain insights from others who had walked a similar path. Hearing their stories helped me see my own journey more clearly.
• Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices helped me quiet the noise and connect with my inner self. Through mindfulness, I learned to observe my thoughts without judgment, gaining clarity on what truly mattered to me.

Finding your inner truth is a deeply personal journey, but here are some steps that might help you along the way: 

Finding your inner truth is a deeply personal journey, but here are some steps that might help you along the way:

1. Create a Safe Space: Find a quiet place where you can be alone with your thoughts. This could be a cozy corner in your home, a peaceful park, or even your favorite coffee shop. Ask Yourself Deep Questions: Reflect on questions like:

• What brings me joy?
• What are my core values?
• What do I want to achieve in life?
• What are my passions?

2. Listen to Your Intuition: Pay attention to your gut feelings and instincts. They often provide valuable clues about your true self.

3. Embrace Vulnerability: Don’t be afraid to confront uncomfortable feelings. Embracing vulnerability is a crucial step in discovering your inner truth.

4. Connect with Like-minded People: Surround yourself with people who inspire and support you. Their positive influence can help you stay true to yourself.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout this journey. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes and experience setbacks.

I spent my life alone, surrounded by people. I was Sam. Not particularly beautiful or even pretty, big eyes and a beautiful smile, but poor and chubby to make matters even worse. I was one of the ‘guys’ and was always ready for anything. I was funny and spontaneous but had moments of visible separation because my trauma separated me. I was carrying the weight of the world.

I was always smiling, happy, and upbeat. Opinionated with no filter. I was ballsy and had no problem getting out of the car and heading up Arbor Hill in Albany on my own as a white girl. I was quirky, savvy, and always ready for a fight if it was to protect or defend one of my own. I may have even come off as carefree. I was not. 

I wasn’t like other chicks, though I had moments of weakness when pulled into the drama. After I started selling drugs and, my high school friends all turned away from me and moved forward with their lives. I was and am alone. I haven’t had a friend since, that I haven’t had to, in some way or another, inadvertently pay to be there.

They may not see it that way, and they don’t know that I see it at all. I have allowed them to manipulate and use me, and I justify their actions by telling myself that because I know they are doing it, I have the upper hand. I don’t. Some aspects of recovery are completely foreign to us and we just roll with the punches. The worst part is that I have no problem writing about this because I have never had anyone from my own town and pretty much my state show up to visit my blog. Not my parents, not my sister, not my kid’s father. No one cares what I have to say, and they never have. 

I realize now that this is why I talk so loud and why I talk so long. On top of spending my life tortured, alone, repressed, and on dope, I don’t even matter to those I am supposed to matter to. It’s pretty hard not to see this as a defect in character, but when I ask people for honest feedback, all they have to say is what a good person I am and how much I do for others. 

Does this realization show me that there is something wrong with me, or is it just that I have never put myself around the type of people who give back, and aren’t so freaking self-serving and self-involved? How would you feel if you spent more than eighteen months working on a project, sometimes overnight and for twenty hours a day, and not one person in your life so much as checked out your home page?

How would you feel if your parents or your significant other never came to see all your hard work? Would you feel that these people that matter so much to you- would you feel that you didn’t matter at all to them? This is what drives me.

It’s the inaction of those people to provide for me what I have always provided for them. Throw in those who tell themselves and others I will never amount to spit. I thank them kindly because they have empowered me on my journey, and that, my friends, is my TRUTH. 

If you’re on a similar journey, I encourage you to take the time to discover your inner truth. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth every moment of introspection and self-discovery. Remember, your inner truth is the key to unlocking a life of purpose, joy, and fulfillment. This happens to be exactly what the doctor ordered for those of us on our recovery journeys. 

As we continue to progress, not perfect, let’s support each other in uncovering our deepest, most authentic selves. Together, we can prove them all wrong and show them what we can do. Here’s to your journey of self-discovery and the radiant recovery that lies ahead.

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